Brightside Bear, Author at Brightside Bear

Why Done Lists Help My Mental Health

By Brightside Bear on January 15, 2018

From To-Do List to Done List

To do lists. Some people live by them, others avoid them like the plague. I have personally done both in my life. I noticed that my to-do lists do not help me when my mental health is suffering though. In fact, to do lists actually make my mental health and productivity worse.

A big reason to do lists don’t work is because they are overwhelming. At first, my mind is rushing with items that I need to get done and projects I must start right away. I feel the pressure to accomplish everything on my list and to do it as soon as possible. I feel the urgency to go task to task without a break- since I don’t see how I could possibly take a break with everything I need to do! What does all of this pressure do to me? The pressure makes me not even want to start the list. I don’t even want to look at the list. Instead of being motivated by my to-do list, I end up hiding from it! When I realized to do lists were not working for me, I decided something had to change. That was when I started to write down things I have already done- making a done list.

What To Put

What do you put on your done list? Whatever you have done that you want to put on the list. What goes on my done list varies with how my mental health is. I have days where I need to put down that I got out of bed in the morning and wrote in my gratitude journal. I will put other items that are also on my habit tracker like taking my medicine or staying hydrated. Other days, when my mental health is better, items on my done list might include meal prepping a meal I can eat all week long or doing items on my cleaning schedule. The bottom line is that your done list is just that- YOURS.

Why It Helps

There are two main reasons my done list works. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and encouragement. Not only that, but the done list is crazy simple to do. You can write your list anywhere- paper, computer, post it note, phone- anywhere!

1 | ACCOMPLISHMENT

When my mental health is suffering, I feel as if I am unable to accomplish anything. The days go by and it is as if I have just sat there while the sun and moon rotated around me. With my done list, I can see that I am actually just not giving myself enough credit. “Wow, even though I didn’t feel like getting out of bed today, I did. That really did take a lot of effort. I also took my medicine and did not allow my mindset to skip that today.” Seeing my done lists reminds me that every victory needs to be celebrated. It reminds me that self-care is vital and taking care of myself is so important!

RELATED: Your Little Victories and Big Reasons to Celebrate!

2 | ENCOURAGEMENT

While my to-do list is meant to encourage me, it ends up terrifying me. My done list, however, inspires me to do more. When I write out what I have accomplished, it motivates me to keep going. I can see that even though I didn’t think I could get out of bed, I did. What else can I do today? Maybe wash my face. Maybe tomorrow I will shower. Sometimes I have a running done list for the week, where I just draw lines dividing the days. This way, I can look back and see how much I have done the last few days- maybe I can even see how I have been able to add more items to my list as the days went on. I can see my work and progress and notice that I am in fact not just letting the days pass. I can see myself doing.

DO THE DONE LIST

I love my done list. It is simple, easy, and works for me. It helps me with motivation improves my mental health. and Do you keep a to-do list? How about a done list? Please comment to tell me your tips and your thoughts on my article! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear

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Relationships

6 Reasons to Say No To Revenge

By Brightside Bear on

Why We Think Revenge Works

Revenge is something we are all too familiar with! It is when we harm someone as a way of payback for being harmed by them. Revenge has been used as a way of justice since the dawn of time. The rule was simply, “An eye for an eye!” While this type of thinking might be appropriate when handling thieves in the 16th century, this is not how we should handle our personal acts of vengeance now. Revenge starts off as an automatic response to those who have hurt us. But our automatic response is not always right. Keep reading for reasons you should not seek revenge!

Reasons Why Revenge Doesn’t Work

1 | Revenge is Selfish

Revenge is done because it is something we feel entitled to do. We were hurt, embarrassed, and wronged so now we deserve this vengeance. With revenge, we are acting out of our self-esteem and the need to be right! Our ego feels threatened because we have been mistreated and is trying so desperately to repair our self-esteem. Ego thinks revenge is the answer. BUT, our ego is wrong! What we need for our self-esteem is not to be selfish but to be the bigger person! To realize that someone hurting us does not lessen our worth and that we still are our amazing selves.

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” ― Marcus Aurelius Share on X

2 | Not the Best Version of Yourself

Revenge does not represent the best version of ourselves. When we are seeking revenge, we are wanting something bad to happen to someone else. In fact, we are creating this hurt in their lives and expecting a positive result for ourselves. Our best selves are not wishing or intentionally causing harm- even to those who have wronged us. We are fueling this person who we do not want to be. Instead of practicing revenge, we could practice being the understanding and patient person we know we are.

3 | Energy and Time

To be blunt, revenge is a waste of time and energy! You could be using this time you spend fantasizing and planning out your revenge on something so much more useful! In fact, virtually anything would be a better use of your time and energy! It is okay to be hurt and upset, but we do not need to put our energy into these negative feelings and make them bigger. Put your time and energy into something positive! You can try to learn something new! Practice some self-care to help heal, clean up your space, start a gratitude journal, show your loved ones that you care. The time spent being negative to those who wrong you could have been time spent appreciating those who love us.

4 | Escalating Game

“Well, THEY started it!” Revenge is not only a dirty game but an escalating one. Just like this: someone hits you, you hit back harder. Next, they hit you with both fists. It will escalate until someone either cannot fight back anymore or when someone decides to not fight back. Just as mentioned above, we feel entitled to our retaliation and feel like it is justified. When you feed the beast of revenge, it just grows stronger. We have the power to stop feeding the beast, preventing more damage to be done.

5 | Hurts the Relationship and Others

If someone wrongs you, the relationship can still be repaired. When revenge is sought, it becomes more difficult. As mentioned above, it is an escalating game with the potential to do a lot of damage. Even if we cannot imagine the person in your life right now, maybe we will later. It might be weeks or years, but maybe we will want to rekindle the relationship. Not only does our revenge hurt the relationship (or potential rekindling of), but it also hurts our other relationships. Other people will see us wishing this harm to others and spreading this negativity. Revenge obviously causes harm. I mean, that is the main goal.

6 | Does not Solve Anything

Revenge does not solve a single thing. Your revenge will not rewrite history or fix the damage that has been caused. Revenge will not even change the hurt you feel into bliss. We assume the revenge will make us feel better, but it always seems to do the opposite. Maybe it is the guilt we feel of letting our ego get the best of us. Maybe it is the realization that you intentionally caused pain to someone. Whatever the reason is, revenge makes us feel worse. There is zero gain from it!

New Perspective

Revenge is something that could always be an option for you, but will never be the right choice. We need to keep in mind that everything is temporary – even our feelings of hurt and anger. When we have this option to practice revenge, the choice is actually between healing and suffering. It is times like this when reflection is key! Search for blessings in disguise -What can you learn from this situation? How can I practice my empathy and not allow my self-esteem to dictate my actions? Revenge just hurts everyone involved, even the one practicing it.

What are your thoughts on revenge? Have you practiced in revenge yourself? Have you chosen to forego the revenge route? Please comment to tell me your tips and thoughts on my article! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear

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Mental Health | Self-Care

Cleaning Schedule and Mental Heatlth

By Brightside Bear on January 8, 2018

Life gets crazy at times. Our to-do lists pile up, things come up from our work and personal life, and it feels as if we can barely keep our heads above water. When life gets crazy, we put things on the back burner. Unfortunately, the first things usually put on the back burner are taking care of ourselves and our space!

Messiness Mentality

When my space is a mess, and I am in a bad place mentally, I feel like I cannot control anything in life. I come home after a long day, just to a big mess waiting for me at home. A mess that I do NOT have the time, energy, or mentality to deal with. Especially since it has been steadily getting worse day after day. It becomes a terrible cycle, with the mess being overwhelming and having more and more of a negative impact on my mentality.

What can I do? I can realize this relationship between cleanliness and mental health to change the cycle! Keep reading to find out how my cleaning schedule helped my mental health and four steps to make a cleaning schedule for yourself!

RELATED: Cleaning and Mental Health: Crazy Connections

Why I Started

1| No Surprises

Some surprises are wonderful in life! Realizing you have no clean clothes to wear or dishes to use is not one of them though. With my cleaning schedule, I have an excellent idea of when the chores will need to be done. I will not suddenly see my pile of laundry and think, “AGAIN! Didn’t I just do laundry?” I know ahead of time when chores will pile up, and which chores they are, because I see them on my schedule!

2| Sense of control

Before my cleaning schedule, I felt like my chores were controlling me. I would see the mess taunting me, demanding my attention. I felt like I lost control of my space because I let it get to this point. But with my schedule, I am back in control! It is important to note your schedule does not control you (more details on being flexible later on in the article). For example, I know that today is laundry day. I can choose to not do the laundry today, but I know that today is when I typically do laundry to stay on track.

3| Stay Ahead

As I mentioned in the intro, it is far too easy to put ourselves and our space on the backburner. With my cleaning schedule, I stay ahead of the game. I have a system in place to help make life easier for myself and my mental health. I am doing what I can so that when my mental health is suffering, I do not have a mess to worsen it.

4 Steps to a Cleaning Schedule

1| How often to clean what?

First you need to know how often you need to clean. When I first decided on making a cleaning schedule, I started tracking myself: When does the laundry pile up? How many loads will it take to clean it all? When do I run the dishwasher? Be mindful of when things are getting messy, but not overwhelmingly so. There is a sweet spot, if you will, of seeing when your chores are needing attending to, but in manageable size. I wrote an article on the benefits of tracking our habits and mood and even made this tracking PDF that you could use for this step!

2| Make the Schedule

After tracking, you are able to make a schedule that best fits your cleaning needs. The schedule needs to coincide with your personal life and cleaning needs. Keep in mind your daily routines while making the cleaning schedule. Maybe vacuuming the house after your long Tuesday workdays is not the best plan. I was surprised when I started making my schedule because of how manageable cleaning became. Why does cleaning seem so manageable now? Because I have a plan! I can evenly space out my cleaning routines so that I am not doing every chore on the same day.

3| Be Flexible

Your cleaning schedule is not set in stone, and that is okay. There is no perfect cleaning schedule that everyone can follow. There are times in life when there is absolutely no way we can get the laundry done on laundry day. That is okay. You are not a slave to your cleaning schedule, it is made to help you. You can switch laundry day around, split it up into two days- whatever works!

Try different routines to see what you like best. Be okay with changing your schedule. At my old apartment, there was a window above the sink with a lovely view so I preferred to do dishes in the morning. However, my kitchen now is a pretty dark place and doing dishes at night and waking up to a clean space is much better for myself.

4| Stay Motivated

Now that you have your cleaning routine, you have to put it into action and stay with it! After you clean, pause and reflect. How does it feel to have a clean space? To have been the person responsible for its beauty? Write down your feelings. I personally feel accomplished, proud, and more appreciative for my space! You can even take a photo to remember how beautiful your space looks clean to help you remember why you made this routine in the first place! To help more with staying motivated, read my 5 tips for motivation here!

Your Schedule

The most important part about your cleaning schedule is that it is YOURS. Whatever works for you is what makes it right! You can schedule whatever you want! I even have a section of my habit tracker for a “15 minute clean”. I found that just picking up my space for 15 minutes makes such a difference- so I use it! Maybe it works if you do your laundry just one load at a time. Maybe it is better for you to run out of socks first. If it works for you, do it!

Do you notice a connection between your space’s cleanliness and your mental health? Do you have a cleaning schedule? Please comment to tell me your tips and your thoughts on my article! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear

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Mental Health

Cleaning and Mental Health: Crazy Connections

By Brightside Bear on

I notice a huge difference in my mental health when my space is cleaner. It is as if my life seems to follow suit. Realizing this encouraged me to keep up with the cleaning habit and even create a calendar to do so. After following my cleaner ways, I was wondering about the connection between the two. It did not take long to find that I was not the only one who feels better when my space is clean! Keep reading to learn four connections between a cleaner space and better mental health!

RELATED: Creating a Cleaning Schedule for Your Mental Health

A Cleaner Space Means…

1 | Less Stress

Do you feel more stressed when your home is messier? I definitely do! And we are not alone. There is even studies to prove it! The scientific journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin published a study about the relationship between how people describe their living space and how they feel in their homes. When people described their space as “unfinished” or “cluttered”, they were more likely to be fatigued or depressed and had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol. However, when a space was described as “restorative” or “restful”, participants had less cortisol and felt more relaxed. When our space looks and feels better to us, it has a positive impact on our mental health!

2 | Increased Focus

When our area is clear, it is less distracting. The Journal of Neuroscience published a study titled, “Interactions of Top-Down and Bottom-Up Mechanisms in Human Visual Cortex,” that proved this is true – in wording that was much, much more complicated. Simply put, our minds get lost in the jumble. There is a competition for our focus and the more participants, the tougher the challenge. Things that are unrelated to what you are trying to focus on are stealing away your attention. While we might fight the urge to get sidetracked, our mind is still working harder to focus. So, the clearer the space, the more efficient our mind is working! The bigger the mess, the bigger a distraction! I can definitely notice this in myself! When my desk is clean I am working faster and even feel more motivated! I thought I was just feeding off of the clean energy, but it actually might be the increased focus!

3 | Better Sleep

Being in the habit of cleaning also improves your sleep. The National Sleep Foundation performed a study evaluating the relationship between the two. They found that 19% of people who regularly made their beds were more likely to get, “a good night’s sleep every day or almost every day.” In fact, in the same study, two-thirds or more of participants stated a clean bedroom as an important factor into getting a good night’s sleep. The connection between sleep and a clean space could also be a result of the decreased stressed mentioned above! It is also possible that people who make their beds in the morning have other healthy habits that help out!

RELATED: Evening Routine: 7 Steps for Better Sleep

4 | Space for Relaxation

With less of a mess, there is more room for relaxation! Not only that, but thanks to your lower stress levels you will be able to enjoy the area even more! It is common for areas in people’s home to be designated for a mess: maybe a chair that you always throw your clothes on top of or of a small table with piles of who knows what on top. These can be cleaned and used for something besides a mess! The chair can be cleared off and have a new purpose- reading chair? Meditation spot? Gratitude journal area? Maybe the floor is always cluttered but you could make room for your yoga mat. Whatever you want, it is a clean slate (literally).

Cleaning It Up

Everyone’s definition of clean varies and that is okay. The key is to be aware of yourself. How do you feel when you are in your space? Are you able to relax? Are you able to focus? How is your sleep? While we may contribute other life factors to stress and poor sleep, it could be our space. Do not feel overwhelmed if you are not a clean person by nature or you don’t know the last time you saw your bedroom floor. I have an article on 6 steps to making and breaking habits and one on creating a cleaning schedule to help you out! Still worried? Here is a habit tracker you can use to be sure you stay on track!

Do you notice a connection between your space’s cleanliness and your mental health? Please comment to tell me your tips and your thoughts on my article! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear

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Mental Health

Six Steps to Changing Habits

By Brightside Bear on January 1, 2018

Humans are creatures of habits- and it completely makes sense why. Our brains form habits to help us. When we perform habits and act automatically, it allows us to conserve energy and free up space in our minds. In fact, “approximately 45% of everyday behaviors tend to be repeated at the same location about every day”. While habits can be our best friend, they can also be our worst enemy.

Good vs Bad Habits

When I first heard that 45% of my day was habit, I was surprised. But then I realized that my persistent negative self-talk and constantly being on social media are bad habits that I’ve formed! (Thank goodness for positive affirmations helping me change this!) Just because I did not intend to only talk to myself negatively week after week does not mean it did not turn into a habit of mine. An awful habit. That was when I thought about just how important your intention- or lack thereof- is in creating habits.

While it is scary to think we could be practicing these poor habits unknowingly, we can get rid of them. Not only that, we can choose to create good habits! How empowering to decide what we will be doing automatically! You can imagine and create your ideal life by thinking how you want to be spending your time, skills to be working on, your goals, and forming habits accordingly. Below I have outlined how to get rid of our bad habits and pick up habits that are great for you.

How to Change Our Habits

1| Identify Bad Habits

The first step to changing our habits is to identify them.

How do you spend your time? What food do you feed your body? How do you talk to yourself?

All of these are habits. Start out by journaling to reflect and recording your days to see how you are spending your time. I thought I knew how I was spending my day, but this exercise was really eye-opening. One of my biggest surprises was the amount of time I was spending on social media. (Read my article on how to take your social media from toxic to inspirational here!!)

2 | Reflect on Reason

After noticing what you are doing, ask yourself why. Reflecting on the reasoning of our bad habits can be hard, but is important to break them. A lot of bad habits are formed as a way of escaping reality and are a poor coping mechanism. I had a few realizations of this while reading the book Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families (read my full book review here!). Maybe the bad habits are formed because we are bored, unmotivated, or stressed. Maybe the issues are deeper than this. I realized my excessive time on social media and negative self-talk were because of low self-esteem.

3 | Find Your Motivation

Reflect on why you want to change your habit. What would happen if I continued to talk negatively to myself? What would happen if I decided to stop? Think about the big picture and further down the line. Who would I become in five years if I keep up with this habit?

By viewing your habits long term you are able to see if it is helping you get to where you want to be in life. List as many reasons as you can think of as to why you want to stop this habit. Keep the list somewhere easily accessible (maybe your vision board?) and use it for your motivation.

4 | Replacing Habits

Great news- now that you are not practicing your bad habits, you have time for good habits! Building new habits may sound hard, but think how wonderful it will be when these positive actions turn automatic! There are lots of positive habits to build! I have a lot of articles for ideas on positive habits: my resolutions for better mental health, hydration, self-care, gratitude, and so on. You can even learn something new! Whenever you feel the urge to slip into your old habit, go for your positive replacement!

5 | Repetition

Various studies have been done on habits to see how long it takes to form them. While it typically takes around 66 days, it has been noted to take between 18-254 days to form a habit. WHAT A RANGE! While there is no magic number of days to form a habit, it is clear that repetition is key. Afterall, habits in themselves are what we do over and over again. It is also important to note that missing a day or so of a habit did not break the habit altogether- so be gentle with yourself! Be proud of yourself for working on a new positive habit and do not let a missed day turn into a missed habit!

6 | Tracking Habits

It is VERY motivating to see the improvement you are making! You can track the frequency of the habit you are trying to break as well as the progress of your new habit! Not only that, but tracking helps keep your new habits at the forefront. You know the old saying, ‘out of sight, out of mind’? This is definitely true for me and my habit tracking! I have used apps on my phone to track my habits and a pen and paper. You can read my article about tracking habits and mood for more detail on the benefits and methods! I even have a free monthly habit tracker you can print off! It is wonderful, and insightful, to look back on your habit progress!

Habits for Life

Habits are a part of life. Luckily, we can choose to create habits that better us in life! Choosing to do the same positive practices every day until they become a habit is such a powerful decision! Ridding your life of negative habits and starting positive habits is truly life-changing. For help keeping your new habits, you can read my tips on motivation here!

What bad habits are you going to change in your life? What helps you start new habits? Please comment to tell me your tips! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear

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Self-Care

Four Reasons to Track Your Habits and Mood- Plus Free Printable Tracker!

By Brightside Bear on

Mood tracking is something that once I started doing, I could not stop. I slowly went from tracking nothing to wanting to track more and more habits. Before tracking, I considered myself pretty self-aware. After tracking, I know I am more self-aware. Keep reading to find out what to track, how to track, and how it all helps you live a better life! I even made a monthly habit tracker just for you that you can print off here!

What to Track

When deciding what to track it is simple- whatever works best for you! You can always change what you track. Maybe you are working on ending bad habits, starting a gratitude journal, and more of self-care. You can track symptoms of mental illnesses and your emotions too!

I started out just tracking my overall day after a friend showed me this post on the “Year in Pixels”. The simple idea of tracking your overall rating of the day is clear and easy to read! After starting to track my overall day, I wanted to track more. Here is what the yearly tracker looks like:

->I moved from tracking my overall feelings from the day to tracking my habits too! I decided to track A LOT of habits! I track so many because I can quickly fall out of touch with my habits and taking care of myself. When I am tracking, I can see myself starting to slip and get back on track before falling completely out of touch. You do not need to track as much as I do, but it really has helped me! Here are some items you could track: exercise, hydration, reading, sleep, self-care, gratitude journal, medicine, journaling, hygiene, time on social media, emotions, cleaning, and meditation! You can also track your symptoms such as rating your pain, nausea, anxiety attacks, and an overall rating for your day. If you are taking up a new skill or working on a project- track it! (You bet I have working on this blog on my habit tracker!) I even made a PDF of a habit tracker for you with plenty of space for you to use!

How To Do It

There are various techniques and methods to track ourselves. The right way is whatever works for YOU. Be flexible with your systems and know you can always change it! You can track using as much- or little – detail you want. I have switched how I track myself many times, and I am sure I will continue to do so. Different times in life call for different tracking. Sometimes I can track my general day, other times I need to track my specific symptoms. Personally, I prefer a pen and paper in a spreadsheet format for the month. This might be because I am tracking A LOT of habits. But it could be difficult to always have the paper available for your tracking. There are plenty of tracking apps available to you or you can use your notes section on your phone! Whatever way works for you is a perfect way!

Why It Helps

By tracking, we are able to see what is happening! You know the saying, hindsight is 20/20? After tracking yourself you will know this saying to be very true! Keep reading for four more reasons to track yourself!

1 | Making Connections

By tracking your habits and emotions, you are able to make connections. Do you notice more symptoms of anxiety when you have less sleep? Maybe you realize you always have bad Tuesdays…hmmm when you have that weekly meeting. Seeing connections between how you are spending your time and how you are feeling are vital to your wellbeing! When you make connections, you are helping identify triggers! Then, you can work on how to approach our days better. It is very helpful if you could go over these connections with your therapist- read my tips for therapy here! Journaling has also helped me make these connections to my feelings and seeing what is really happening!

RELATED: Using a Journal for Self-Care: Six Benefits of Writing It Out

2 | Sense of Control

Life is overwhelming. It can feel as if we are being pulled in every direction, with no sense of control. But, when we choose how we spend our time it is empowering. Having specific goals and working on them for yourself gives you control of your time now and your future. Making time for yourself to work on your goals ensures that you are not putting yourself last or acting as a people pleaser. You can use your habit tracker with your vision board to help you stay on track with your goals! I track different ways of self-care to help me when life is stressful and even break out my self-care kit when necessary. Remember, making time for yourself and your goals is not selfish, but necessary.

RELATED: Morning Routines! Benefits and How To Create a Positive Start Daily

“Either you run the day, or the day runs you.”- Jim Rohn Share on X

3 | Realizing Good Days Come and Go

Having a bad day can skew my mind into thinking I have a bad life. It gives me this false belief that I am a failure who does not accomplish anything. But, when I look back on my habits I can prove it isn’t true! I can see that I have ups and downs in life because everything is temporary. I can remember that I do have blessings. I can realize how hard I have been working and that I am working on bettering myself. When I am using my habit tracker I am sure to keep in mind that I do not have to get everything done every day. I remember that I can do anything, but not everything.

4 | Accountability and Motivation

When you have specific habits you want to work on that are clearly outlined and available to track, the chances of you working on it goes up exponentially. Relying on memory to think about how many times you worked out or if you got enough sleep is very inaccurate. But, there is no denying your honest records! Seeing you have not slept more than six hours in the last week will tell you that you need to try and go to bed earlier tonight. Tracking is just one of the many ways to help with motivation for your habit! I also keep a done list to help remind myself of the little victories I have throughout the day.

Tracking for Life

Tracking my habits has helped me accomplish more than I thought I could. I plan to keep tracking myself and learning along the way- continuing to build a better life. The possibilities of what and how you track are endless!

Have you tracked yourself before? Please comment to tell me your tips if you have any or questions about starting! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear

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Mental Health

Resolutions for Better Mental Health

By Brightside Bear on December 26, 2017

Are you ready for a change? It does not have to be New Year’s to have a resolution! Along with a new year comes a flood of resolutions and a list of how people will make this year different and better than the past. A sure way to make this year better is to focus on your mental health! When you focus on your mental health, the rest of your life improves drastically. It is not a coincidence! Because of this, I have outlined five resolutions to better your mental health!

1 | Make Self-Care a Priority

Taking care of yourself is what allows you to take care of everything and anything else in life. Those moments in life when we tell ourselves, “I just do NOT have time to take care of myself right now” are when your body is screaming at you for some self-love. It is time to make self-care a priority in your life. There are many ways to practice self-care and to make it part of your daily routine: staying hydrated, exercising, using your gratitude journal, sleeping enough, and so on. Here is a PDF with 10 free and easy ways to practice if you need some suggestions! I also have a self-care kit that comes in handy for those times when you know you need self-care but have no idea what to do (I made a checklist here for you to create your own)! Remember, self-care is about listening to what you need.

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” – Audre Lorde

RELATED: Four Benefits of Reading for Mental Health

2 | Evaluate and Nourish Relationships

Evaluate your current relationships. Are you in a toxic relationship? Have you been practicing people-pleasing behavior? Are your personal rights being acknowledged? It is important to evaluate all areas of our lives to get a better sense of what is working and what is not. Relationships are no different. Reflect on how the person, and relationship, make you feel and impact your wellbeing.

After evaluating your relationships you are able to nurture your relationships. This includes being there for our loved ones, showing gratitude to them, checking in on them, and sending our love and motivation. Positive relationships in life help us thrive and grow, inspire us, and help us make our way through life with a little more ease and support.

3 | More Gratitude

Gratitude is vital to our mental health because we are recognizing what blessings we have in life and shining a light on them. There are so many beautiful reasons to be grateful in life. Not only that, but there are so many ways to practice gratitude! I even made this PDF filled with ways to practice gratitude and wrote an article about a short daily gratitude practice! Some days it is harder to find the gratitude than others, that is okay. More gratitude includes finding blessings in disguise and taking on an optimistic mindset! Gratitude also has benefits to our health! By adding more gratitude you will be finding more reasons to be grateful every day.

“Everyday may not be good, but there is good in every day.” Share on X

4 | Talk About Mental Health

Talking about mental health will not only help you but help others as well. Mental health is something everyone has and mental illness is something 1 in 4 people experience. It is important to emphasize how important mental health is to our overall well-being. By normalizing the talk of mental health- whether it be talking about therapy, self-care methods, or our feelings- we are breaking the stigma mental health holds. Being able to talk about our experiences lets others know they are not alone and that mental health is important!

5 | Ask for Help

It is okay to not be okay. But, we need to be able to let others know we are not okay and ask for help. I have found that using a codeword with a support is a wonderful way to ask for help when you are having a hard time doing so! Here I list several resources for help that may be useful for you or a loved one including online support, call centers, support groups, and so on. I also wrote an article on taking off the “I’m fine” mask to really let your loved ones know what is going on. I am a huge fan of therapy and group therapy and you can even read my tips on how to get the most out of therapy. You should feel proud of yourself for asking for help and remember there is always help for you!

It is always the right time for resolutions with mental health! If you need help staying motivated for these wonderful resolutions read some motivation tips here! What helps you prioritize your mental health? Please comment and let me know what you think of my resolutions as well! ! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear

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Self-Care

Blessings in Disguise: An Exercise to Help With Hard Times

By Brightside Bear on December 18, 2017

Life can be overwhelming. Sometimes it seems that there is no explanation for what is happening because it just seems so terrible. We get caught up in our emotions and how an awful thing should never be happening. What good could possibly be coming from this?

But, what if we changed our perception? What if we took a moment to look back on our life? To ask the same question, but in a different mindset: What good could possibly be coming from this? This question is not asked to make light of the hard time you are in. Rather, it is asked to give you an optimistic mindset and trust the process of life and your resilience.

Blessing in Disguise

A blessing in disguise is something good we are able to take away from our troubles. Some events are easier to find the blessings in than others, but there is always one to be found!

There are countless stories of people who narrowly escaped death, only then to realize what is important to them. The heart attack that caused someone to realize their job was too stressful. The car crash where the true love of their life flashed in front of their eyes. The health diagnosis that promotes a healthy lifestyle change. Maybe the blessing is a new perspective or increased sense of self-worth.

There are also numerous examples of people striving after what they want, only to get the door slammed in their face, but reaching their goal when the time is right nevertheless. Walt Disney was once fired for not being creative enough and had his idea of Mickey Mouse be rejected by over 300 bankers. No, that is not a typo. Over THREE HUNDRED different bankers told Walt Disney Mickey Mouse was ridiculous, yet now Mickey Mouse is a household name. But those hundreds of bankers were not the right one to give Walt the opportunity to make Mickey Mouse come to life, and their rejections were a blessing in disguise.

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”- Walt Disney

So, how do we find the blessing? Through reflection and identifying past blessings. Keep reading to try the exercise for yourself!

Finding Blessings

Find a quiet space for yourself and get a pen and paper before you begin…

1 | Reflect on a few struggles you have had throughout your life. It doesn’t matter if these struggles were decades ago or weeks ago, just list a few for now.

2 | Summarize the struggle into a sentence and write in onto the paper, leaving plenty of space in between each struggle.

3 | Begin to reflect on the effect of the struggle, positively. What good came from your struggle? What lesson did you learn? Take your time, thinking deeply and listing off as many of the positive impacts as possible for every single struggle you listed.

4 | After you complete your list, take a few deep breaths. Reflect and reread what you have written. Realize how much you have not only overcome but how much your struggles have given to you- as blessings in disguise!

Current Struggles

Sometimes we cannot find the blessing in disguise for what we are currently struggling with, and that is okay. Keep in mind that you may not have realized the blessings you just listed while going through those struggles. The blessings may have come to light sometime after your hardship. You know what they say, hindsight is 20/20.

But, the exercise of blessings in disguise is still extremely helpful. The list you created reminds you of your strength and how much you have been able to overcome. It also shows you that the struggles are helping you more than you realize, forming you into the person you are. It reminds you that everything is temporary, even this current struggle will pass. Life is built from the ups and downs. Here is a good representation of this…

“Life is like a piano, the white keys represent happiness and the black show sadness. But as you go through life’s journey, remember that black keys also create music.”-Ehssan

RELATED: Finding the Good in Every Day- Creating Your Happiness Highlights Calendar

Please comment below and tell me what you think of blessings in disguise! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

Written with love just for you,

Brightside Bear

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Mental Health | Self-Care

“Everything in Life is Temporary” : 5 Life Lessons

By Brightside Bear on

Many times in life, people have told me, “Everything is temporary.” This is usually said in response to a bad situation to be a comforting reminder. But, it was not until years after hearing the quote countless times that I was able to reflect on its true meaning. After my reflection not only do I appreciate this quote, but it is one of my favorite mantras. Here are my key takeaways from the saying, “everything is temporary.”

1 | Embrace the Good Times to the Fullest.

Thinking about the good times being temporary should not make you worried about when they end, but instead more appreciative while you are having them! The good times in life need to be welcomed with open arms! Life is unpredictable and the good parts should be emphasized and appreciated! Even our little victories need to be celebrated! Because this is only temporary, not one minute of happiness should be wasted! We need to express and share the wonderful times we are having as much as possible!

RELATED- Finding the Good in Every Day: Creating Your Happiness Highlights Calendar (Plus Free Printable)

2 | It is Okay to Not be Okay.

Because everything is temporary, this includes the bad times and bad feelings. It is okay to not be okay, but we must remember that the feeling is temporary and to still take care of ourselves. Use your journal to reflect and let your loved ones know that you are having a tough time. Remembering that everything is temporary allows me to feel the uneasy emotions, without allowing the emotions to overcome me. I know I will not be feeling this way forever. Just as the good times cannot last forever, neither can the bad times.

RELATED: Taking Off the “I’m Fine” Mask

3 | Be grateful for Everything.

We are not promised anything in life and should be appreciative of everything we have. We need to show appreciation as much as possible. Not just for the good, but for our struggles as well. While this might seem hard- or seemingly impossible- finding your blessings in disguise is a great way to create a more optimistic perception. We need to express our gratitude in our relationships and let others know how appreciated they are. I also keep a gratitude journal I write in daily! You can never have too much gratitude!

4 | Do Not Be Attached and Go With the Flow.

Our situations in life are also temporary. Our relationships, passions, beliefs, and professions are all temporary. We cannot be attached to one thing too strongly because nothing is completely secure. We can, though, be open to change and trust the process of life. Being open to new beginnings and going outside of our comfort zone is what makes life worthwhile. A chapter of our life closing can be thought of as tough but could be a blessing. I often look to the caterpillar as an example of positive growth and how beautiful change is. By not holding onto attachments, we free ourselves for new opportunities, new discoveries, and new journeys.

“The root of suffering is attachment.”- Buddha Share on X

5 | Above all, be Fully Present.

Where we are now is temporary, so we should absorb every minute of it. Wherever you are in life, be there completely. Be in this temporary moment for as long as it lasts. Be engulfed by the smell of your coffee in the morning and be mesmerized by all of the beauty around you. Do not worry about when this moment or way of life will change. Instead, enjoy it for what it is. After all, it is only temporary. My meditation practice has definitely helped me live in the moment! You can read my complete article on the 7 benefits of meditation and help to get your practice started right here!

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that’s why they call it the present.”

Realizing that everything is temporary has become very comforting to me. Please comment below and tell me what you think of the quote and my key takeaways! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Relationships

People Pleasing: How to Define it and How to Stop it

By Brightside Bear on December 12, 2017

people pleasing how to define it and stop it

Pleasing vs. Helping

Growing up, I thought being a people pleaser just meant someone was being kind and helpful. Oh, how wrong I was! As I have continued to grow up, and work on my people pleasing tendencies, I have learned what a people pleaser really is. Putting others’ needs ahead of your own out of fear of making someone unhappy is what a people pleaser does. This could include doing something that you don’t want to do either because it makes you uncomfortable or you are already drained but instead of taking care of yourself, you sacrifice your well being and help out anyways.

Although sometimes seen as similar, being a people pleaser is much different than helping someone. Yes, pleasing people is usually helping them in some way- but the position of the helper is much different. We can help others without sacrificing ourselves. Another sign of people pleasing is when it is done out of the guilty feeling that we should be helping. Helping others because we want to, are able to, and when it does not involve our own suffering is not being a people pleaser. At a job in college I quickly learned the word, “volun-told.” This play on “volunteer” was when participating at an event was mandatory, but was made to seem voluntary. This term reminds me of being a people pleaser because of the guilt and expectations that are involved. Keep reading on the reasons why to stop people pleasing and the steps to take!

Why Stop People Pleasing?

People pleasing brings unnecessary stress into your life. By saying no to people pleasing, you are protecting yourself. Making your wellbeing a priority is not selfish, but necessary. A good quote to keep in mind is, “You can do anything, but not everything,” from David Allen. You are not superhuman and only have 24 hours in a day. When we stop people pleasing, we have more time for what matters in life and provide a healthy environment to be our best selves in.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

It is difficult to stop people pleasing habits, but that does not mean it is impossible. Follow these four tips to stop your pleasing people ways!

1 | Awareness.

Reflect on your people pleasing tendencies. Are there certain people or situations where you find yourself being a people pleaser often? Why do you think that is? What makes you a people pleaser in these situations? By defining what makes you a people pleaser in specific situations will help you pick up signs easier. How did being a people pleaser make you feel? Try being more aware and realizing when you are in the position to be a people pleaser. Take some time with your journal to think through all of this. Reflect on your motivations for acting as a people pleaser so you can finally confront them.

2 | Know your boundaries.

You can have more control of any potential people pleaser situations by setting boundaries for yourself now. A great way to begin making boundaries for yourself is to list your priorities and know that you will not sacrifice them. Also be aware of your own rights and honor them. Keeping the list somewhere you see every day is very helpful! Some examples of priorities that are often sacrificed by people pleasing are sleep, time with loved ones, as well as mental and physical wellness. Boundaries can be set on multiple levels. For example: who you are willing to help, for how long, and in what way are all different boundaries. It is okay, and necessary, to help someone while enforcing these boundaries to protect yourself!

3 | Practice saying “no”

Like everything in life, saying “no” takes practice. Even just saying “no” out loud, in the mirror, is an empowering exercise to help. Being more comfortable saying no makes it more likely that you will stick to your decision! There are plenty of ways to tell someone no without being rude, we just need to learn the different techniques. With a range from saying it with gratitude to recommending someone else to help in the situation, this article, 21 Ways to “Give Good No” is a big help!

4 | Reassure Yourself of Your Decision

When you are first working on saying “no,” the word comes with a lot of guilt. You might tell yourself excuses as to why you should be a people pleaser right now or lie as to why this situation is different. The feeling of guilt is normal. Remind yourself of why you are saying no. Replace the guilt with feeling proud of yourself for sticking up for you. Protecting yourself is an amazing form of self-care and should always be celebrated. Write out a list reminding yourself of why this decision was the right one for yourself to help with your feelings.

“You are responsible for what you say and do. You are not responsible for whether or not people freak out about it.” – Jen Sincero in her book, You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life Read my book review here!

Being a people pleaser is not a life sentence. Part of growing is learning to say no to many things, and people pleasing is one of them. Remember this is a process and will not be fixed overnight. Please comment below and tell me what you think of my people pleasing tips and let me know your experiences with people pleasing! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

Written with love just for you,

Brightside Bear

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