Have you ever been in a situation where you needed the help of someone but you just could not get the words out? Maybe you were in a public setting and hoping that a certain person could read your mind so they could know what you needed. I have been in this situation before- and it is awful. Even though I have worked on taking off the “I’m fine” mask and letting my support know when I am not okay, sometimes it can still be hard to let others know what is going on. Especially if you are in a public place or somewhere you do not feel comfortable expressing yourself completely. I realized there is a wonderful way to let your support know what is going on without actually saying it at the time- a codeword. Keep reading to see how you can use a codeword to help your support help you and how to make a codeword for yourself!
Why Use A Codeword?
Being able to tell our support that we are in need of something is key. It has been a process to be able to be honest about my feelings, even with my support. The book Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families highlights just how important it is to be open and honest about our feelings with supportive people (read my book review here!). Unfortunately, feelings of discomfort or the situation in general may make it hard to express what you need in that moment. This is when a code comes in handy. By using a code, you are able to say a short word or phrase in place of the words you are finding it hard to say right now. Additionally, when you are in public it is very discreet so no one knows what you and your support are actually talking about! Keep reading for the steps on building your own code!
How To Use A Code?
What to Code?
Take some time to reflect on where a code would be useful in your life. Think of situations you have felt uncomfortable and unable to express your feelings. What did you want to let your support know? You could make more than one code for different situations too. Here are some examples of situations you could use a codeword for…
– “I am feeling anxious”
-“Can we go somewhere private?”
-“We need to leave.”
-“I need a hug.”
-“I am having a hard day. ”
This is just a short list of examples. You can use a codeword for virtually any situation to help your support know what is going on and help you. It is best to reflect on your personal experiences and see where you could benefit from a code.
Talk To Your Support
Talk to your support about wanting to use a code word with them. Explain situations you have reflected on and think the code could be useful (Feel free to share this article with them!). Together, you and your support come up with codewords/ phrases that you will use. Be sure to outline specifically what each codeword means for you two and what you expect to happen when the word is said. I have found it easy to use a code “nickname” if you will. My support and I decided that I will call them by a name I never call them as a codeword that I am in need. One of the words I use is “honey.” I think “honey” is a lovely term of endearment, but I just never use it. We decided this was a wonderful codeword because it is so discrete and can naturally be put into any conversation! When I am in need I can simply say to my support, “Honey, what time is it?”
Use and Improve!
After you and your support are clear on the codewords and what needs to be done once the word is said, it is time to use the codeword. It can be helpful to review the codewords before going to a big event or somewhere that tends to make you feel uncomfortable to reassure that you are not alone. Do not be afraid to change your codewords if you feel they are not working right- just be sure to talk to your support about it! The codewords are meant to help you and can be changed accordingly!
Code Is Not A Replacement
A codeword is not used in place of discussing our feelings or expressing ourselves. Rather, we use the codeword to let our support know that we need something when we cannot tell them at that moment. I view the codeword as letting my support know that I am not okay and I know that when we are in a place I can safely talk about what is going on, I will. It is okay to use your codewords and then gather your thoughts or feelings by journaling or reflecting individually before talking to your support. Be sure to express to your support how grateful you are to have them and be able to count on them!
What are your thoughts on using a codeword with your support? Have you used a codeword before? Can you think of a time when a codeword would have been helpful for you? Please comment below and tell me what you think of my thoughts on using codewords and any of yours to add! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!
