Author: Brightside Bear

Seven Life Lessons From Puzzles

Life is puzzling, isn’t it? We are all trying to put together these different pieces in hopes of creating something beautiful in the end. All of our puzzles are the same, yet different. I absolutely love putting together puzzles and find them to be a useful tool in my self-care kit to help calm my mind down. When I started putting together my last puzzle, I could not help but think of the lessons we could learn about life from a jigsaw puzzle. As I kept putting the pieces together, more reflections came to my mind. Keep reading to learn about the seven main life lessons from puzzles you can start using in your life today!

1 | One Piece At A Time

Puzzles have a lot of different components- just like our lives. It is hard to focus on everything at once- relationships, personal development, work, school, and self-care just to name a few! It is important to remember we can do anything, but not everything. If we are worried about getting everything done right now the truth is we will end up getting a lot less done- and be a lot more stressed along the way! Our minds are distracted and not able to give each section the attention it deserves. Take life, and puzzles, just one piece at a time!

2 | Borders First

Most people start solving a puzzle the same way- with the border. When creating a puzzle, you have to clear an area big enough for you to put it together and figure out where every piece fits. The border defines a sacred space of where you are getting ready to build this masterpiece. A puzzle’s border reminds me a lot of the boundaries we place in our own lives. It is important to have boundaries so we are staying focused on what is important to ourselves and our lives while upholding our rights. Our boundaries help ensure we do not take on the role of a people pleaser and allow things to interfere with our own puzzle of life. Boundaries help us stay focused on what is necessary to help us grow in a positive way.

3 | Trying Something Different To Make The Puzzle Work

Sometimes there is a part of the puzzle that seems impossible to figure out. Finally, we just start to move the pieces around in different ways that seem a bit crazy until something works. This is actually similar to figuring out life too- we must go outside of our comfort zones and try something new! The next thing you learn could be your passion, your hidden talent, or the calling you never knew you had. Do not be afraid of the pieces not fitting, just keep experimenting and learning! We never know what might fit together. Trying something new could help you make the pieces fall together.

4 | Know What You Are Making

Could you imagine getting a box of puzzle pieces without an idea of what the completed puzzle will look like? Life can sometimes feel this way if we are not sure what life we want to build ourselves or where to even start the process. Luckily, we have the power to design what our life will look like. I have a vision board above my desk that acts as a picture for my completed life puzzle with goals, aspirations, and travel destinations just to name a few items! When we know what we are building, it is far easier to plan and start putting the pieces together.

Get your free vision board planning sheet here!

5 | Use The Help You Have

Life can be overwhelming at times and hard to navigate. What would happen if you decided to not use the picture on the box to help you with the puzzle? When we decide to not use the help available to us in life, this is essentially what we are doing. It can be hard to create our own vision for our lives, but it is important to remember that we do have help. Take some time to reflect on yourself using a journal, meditation, or a good book. Therapy is also a wonderful resource because the essence of therapy is to help you become the person you want to be. Our support systems can help us too, as long as we are able to let them know we need them. Just as the picture of the puzzle helps us to create the picture ourselves, our lives are filled with resources to help us see and create our very own puzzle! 

6 | Every Piece Counts

With a puzzle, it is easy to not give yourself credit for your work until it is all put together. However, it is important to recognize the hard work we are doing every step of the way! Every puzzle piece fitting together is a step in the right direction and the puzzle could not be complete without it! We should celebrate our progress in puzzles just as we should celebrate the progress and victories in our everyday lives. We are having little victories every single day that are unfortunately overlooked. Staying hydrated is a little victory with huge rewards just as reading a chapter of your new book is a little victory too! Celebrating yourself and little victories are key to a positive life- and enjoying putting the puzzle together a little more!

7 | Have Fun

There are two basic ways to go about solving a puzzle: enjoying the journey or rushing to complete the masterpiece, stressing yourself out along the way. I feel something similar can be said about life and how key our attitude is. It is important to have your childhood excitement and to keep life fun! In the book Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families, Dr. Charles L. Whitfield says, “No matter how distant, evasive, or even alien it may seem to be, we each have a “Child Within”- the part of us that is ultimately alive, energetic, creative and fulfilled (read my book review here).” Find out what makes you happy and make a point to add more happiness into your life- you deserve it! Just as the puzzle can seem like an overwhelming mess or like a fun adventure- life can too!

Life Puzzles

Even though everyone’s life is a different puzzle, we can all learn these lessons while trying to put ours together. We are not alone in this journey and can help others with their puzzles’ as well! Being kind, spreading the encouragement, and offering a listening ear can help more than we think. Remember that it is okay to take a break and take care of yourself. You can keep putting the pieces together and create the beautiful life you deserve!

What are your thoughts on puzzles and the lessons they can teach us?  Please comment below and tell me what you think of my lessons from puzzles and any of yours to add! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear  

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Human Rights

You have rights. You have rights that are a fundamental part of being a human- rights you do not need to earn or be deemed “worthy” of. Unfortunately, many people do not believe that they have these rights. Issues with mental health, low self-esteem, and being mistreated by others all lead to this misconception that we either have to earn our rights or that we have no rights at all. It was not until I was in therapy and going through the recovery process that I discovered I have rights as an individual human being! I learned that I have always had these rights, I was just not aware of or honoring my rights. Not everyone was taught their rights as a child, but it is never too late to learn, and honor, your rights. Keep reading to learn what a bill of rights is, how your rights can help you, and how to claim your rights! I even listed 35 rights I believe every single person has- including you!

What is a Bill of Rights?

A bill of rights is a list of rights that you have innately and are a fundamental part of being a human. These rights can be thought of as guidelines because they set the standard for how you expect to be treated by others, and yourself. By creating your bill of rights, you are becoming your best advocate. You are clearly stating what you deserve and are acknowledging that you are worthy of these rights. Your bill of rights helps you in many ways including setting boundaries, validating your needs, and affirming your self-worth.

Your Bill of Rights

Take a moment to consider what rights you have. Even take out your journal to start really reflecting! After you write out the rights you have, look at the list I created below. Go through the list and reflect on each right individually. Ask yourself how you feel and if you believe you have this right. If you are unsure or think the answer is no, reflect on why you might feel this way.

Personal Bill Of Rights

Below I listed some of the rights I believe every single person has. This is not a complete list and feel free to comment and let me know what rights you think should be on the list too! Click here for my handy PDF version!

1 |I have the right to change and grow.

2 |I have the right to take care of myself, no matter what.

3 | I have the right to forgive others.

4 | I have the right to forgive myself.

5 | I have the right to give and receive love.

6 | I have the right to my own personal space and time needs.

7 | I have the right to follow my own values and standards.

8 | I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.

9 | I have the right to make my own decisions.

10 | I have the right to make mistakes and not be perfect.

11 | I have the right to be playful.

12 | I have the right to all of my feelings.

13 | I have the right to expect honesty from others.

14 | I have the right to determine and honor my own priorities.

15 | I have the right to dignity and respect.

16 | I have the right to end conversations with people who make me feel put down.

17 | I have the right to my needs and wants being respected by others.

18 | I have the right to privacy.

19 | I have the right to be happy.

20 | I have the right to say “I don’t know.”

21 | I have the right to feel scared and say that I am afraid.

22 | I have the right to say “no.”

23 | I have the right to change my mind.

24 | I have the right to not be responsible for other’s behaviors, actions, feelings, or problems.

25 | I have the right to ask for what I want.

26 | I have the right to be healthy.

27 | I have the right to express my feelings, both positive and negative.

28 | I have the right to be myself.

29 | I have the right to hold others accountable for their own behaviors and not take the blame.

30 | I have the right to create the future I want.

31 | I have the right to be angry at someone I love.

32 | I have the right to share my feelings if and when I choose.

33 | I have the right to set healthy boundaries.

34 | I have the right to recovery.

35 | I have the right to trust those who have earned it

Claiming Your Rights

Having low self-esteem and being mistreated makes it hard to know what rights you have and how you deserve to be treated. Even your basic rights and entitlements could go unnoticed and unmet. Acting as a people pleaser and using the word “should” also cause problems for honoring your rights. The good news is that it is never too late to start recognizing, believing, and acknowledging your rights! There are a lot of resources to help you out. I highly recommend the book Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families (read my review here), which helped me realize what my needs were and how I can get these needs met. I am also a fan of therapy and group therapy, both which have helped me greatly realize that I do have rights. I still use my positive affirmations to help with my self-esteem and have even used rights directly from the list I gave you!

How do you feel about your rights? Have you considered writing out your own bill of rights? What rights do you have or have trouble acknowledging?  Please comment below and tell me what you think of my article and any thoughts about your personal bill of rights! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

Written with love for you,

Brightside Bear

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Therapy is a wonderful resource that can help people in various aspects of their life. Dr. Neil Houston says that therapy is “about learning and applying the skills needed in order to grow from life’s ups and downs.” I believe that everyone can benefit from therapy because the essence of therapy is to help you heal and become the person you want to be. Even though I am now a big fan of therapy, I was intimidated when my therapist suggested I join group therapy. However, going to group therapy ended up being one of the best things I could have done -I outlined the top benefits for you below!

What is Group Therapy?

Group therapy is when a therapist (or group of therapists) lead a group of typically five to 15 people. The groups meet regularly and usually focus on a specific problem such as social anxiety, low-self esteem, grief, anger, depression and various other issues. The members of the group are typically screened beforehand to ensure a good fit for everyone involved. How each group works is different depending on the therapists, members, and goals of the group as a whole. My group therapy was largely discussion-based and had an open dialogue. The therapists had activities planned for some meetings and always guided the dialogue by asking us questions or our thoughts. We sat in a circle every week and usually started with a “check-in” since the last week. Even though groups vary in how they function, they traditionally have the same wonderful benefits!

Benefits of Group Therapy

Group therapy is a wonderful resource with a specific set of benefits that other therapies may not be able to offer you. Here are the top five benefits I experienced in group therapy!

1 | Giving and Receiving of Support

In individual therapy, the patient is receiving support from the therapist. In group therapy, the patient receives support from the therapist and the other members. The group becomes a support system as a whole. While you are being supported by the other members, you are also providing them support. Giving support to others is key to personal growth and healing just as much as receiving support is. It is okay if you are worried about not being able to support others right now, the group grows together as a support system!

2 | Realizing We Are Not Alone

It is all but too easy to feel alone in our distress. Yes, we have our own struggles, but we are not alone in our struggling. In group therapy, I was surprised at how other members’ stories seemed shockingly similar to mine or how multiple members have shared the same feelings. It is a wonderful feeling of belonging and a realization that we really are connected to those around us. Knowing others have had similar experiences makes it easier to open up about our thoughts and feelings.     

3 | Encouragement from Members

The bond I have been able to create in group therapy with the other members is unique and one of the strongest bonds I have been fortunate enough to experience. It did not take long for me to get excited to go to my weekly group meeting to hear how everyone was doing and to check in. It was wonderful to see the other members overcoming their issues and growing into a more positive person! When we are able to see our peers accomplish this, we have more belief in ourselves! I was encouraged every week because of not only what the other members said, but how they acted as well.

4 | Different Perspectives

The honest perspectives from members of the group is an extremely unique and beneficial aspect of group therapy. The members are in different stages of recovery and come from different backgrounds which helps create everyone’s unique perspective. When we have a situation that is confusing or difficult, having more perspectives can help you have a clearer picture or think in a way you otherwise would not have. Additionally, this helps you learn to think outside of your own perspective more. In group therapy, you learn as much listening as you do sharing because of the wisdom shared.

5 | Relationship Help

Group therapy helps with your relationships because it improves your communication skills and ability to connect with others on a deeper level. This is a safe place to practice appropriate confrontations and receive honest feedback from others. Group therapy allows you to talk about your feelings in a safe place and you do not need to wear a mask, pretending that everything is okay. When you begin to open up about your feelings, it becomes easier to process and express them appropriately. In the book Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families, Dr. Whitifield stresses how important opening up to others is. He says, “Feelings are our most helpful link in our relationships with ourselves, others and the world around us” (read my book review here!)

Best Therapy For You

The question of which therapy is best has a very individualized answer. The therapy that is best depends on you and where you are in the recovery process. The answer is different from someone else and possibly even who you were a year ago. In my article on how to get the most out of therapy, I mention how important it is to see if you are progressing. If you are progressing and growing in therapy, you are doing therapy right. Your recovery program is unique to your needs! Group therapy is commonly used in conjunction with individual therapy or other treatment methods. Remember, what matters is what works best for you!

Have you tried group therapy? Is something holding you back from trying? Let me know! Please comment below and tell me what you think of my top benefits of group therapy and what ones you have to add! Remember, help is always available for you! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear  

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Have you ever started cooking a meal, writing a paper, or working on some kind of project but ended up not finishing because you thought it was ruined? You may have restarted it or decided against the project altogether. You are not alone! I was in an art class when I learned the “unbaked cake theory.” My teacher explained how a baker would never take their cake out of the oven twenty minutes before it was done baking to see if it tastes right. The bakers wait. They wait until the cake is finished baking completely and then they try it and decide how it tastes. If the baker tried their unbaked cake it would taste terrible…  well, because the cake needs to finish baking!

My art teacher told my class this theory after many people kept throwing out and restarting their work because they deemed it “ruined”. But their work was not ruined, it was just not completely baked! I really took the unbaked cake theory to heart and started thinking about how much it applies to my life! Keep reading to learn the reasons why you are not baking the cake all of the way, how to help, and what happens when you do bake the cake all of the way!

Am I not baking the cake all of the way?

While I learned the unbaked cake theory in an art class, I could not help but think of all of the unbaked cakes I have had in my life! I have been notorious for deciding I “ruined” a recipe for a meal and throwing it all away! It was not until pretty recently I decided to keep trying to make the meal until the end- then decide it really was inedible or an interesting creation. If you follow me on Instagram, you might know that I am also learning how to draw! It came to a point where I had more incomplete drawings that I did not want to finish than completed works of art. I had trouble seeing the potential. When learning a new sport people might think they do not have the skills they need to play and quit altogether, but they might just need more practice. Evaluate your life and see where you tend to leave cakes unbaked. Below I listed some reasons why you might not be baking the cake all the way. 

Why do we not bake the cake all the way? 

1 | We are afraid of failure.

Failure is scary. Unfortunately, just the thought of failure stops many people from trying. If failure scares you, check out my article on three reasons to not fear failure and how to fail the right way! When failure stops us from trying, it makes it impossible to succeed! However, when we push past the fear of failure, the possibilities are endless!

2 | We are impatient.

We live in a fast-paced world. It is all but too easy to think of a project as ruined and to start again from the beginning with the mindset that it will work out this time- or to give up the project altogether. But, if you are going to restart you are already losing all of the time you have already put into this project that could be salvaged! Patience is key to many things in life and the unbaked cake theory is no different. Lucky for us, we can work on and improve our patients! 

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” David G. Allen

3 | We get frustrated with the learning process.

Sometimes we get discouraged while trying to learn something new and think we just cannot do it. The learning process is just that- a process with highs and lows. The learning process is also very individualized. Did you know there are seven different learning styles? Changing how you are going about something could make all the difference! Check out these learning tips to help you succeed!

4 | We do not believe in ourselves

I will admit that not believing in myself has resulted in plenty of unbaked cakes. Sometimes our minds cannot see the light. We have a hard time trying to understand how what we are working on will actually come together for us- or how we can make this work. But, nothing positive ever came from negative thinking!

How to Bake the Cake All The Way

Baking the cake all of the way sounds easy enough. Just keep going, right? Not exactly. There is a reason the unbaked cake theory exists and here are some tips to keep on baking your cake!

1 | Take a break.

When things seem to be going wrong and you feel yourself getting frustrated, this is the time to take a break. Working when you are upset makes it more likely you will make a mistake and you are not thinking clearly. Take a moment to walk away and drink a glass of water to help calm you down. You can even go into your self-care kit to help get you relaxed before you get back in the zone!

“If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.” Banksy

2 | Believe in yourself.

Believing in yourself opens you up to countless possibilities! Believing in myself has been a process, but I have been getting better! Positive affirmations have helped me believe in myself more- and they are so simple to use! The book You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life is a great read on the subject too (check out my review here).

3 | Be proud of yourself.

You did it! You did not give up! When you thought the odds were against you, you kept on trying. If that is not something to celebrate then I do not know what is! I am a big fan of celebrating our little victories and when I keep baking cakes, I see it as a huge victory!

RELATED: Your Little Victories and Big Reasons to Celebrate!

4 | Stay Motivated

It can be hard to stay motivated, especially when we think something has gone wrong. Make a list of reasons why you want to accomplish this goal and write out why you may not be motivated. My vision board has been an enormous help in helping me stay motivated! Check out some more motivation tips here.

What happens when we bake the cake all the way?

When we bake the cake all of the way, only good things happen! There are two possible outcomes of a cake when you bake it: the cake is good or the cake is… not so good. The cake that does not turn out good is not a failure though. The cake shows your perseverance and how you still believe in yourself when the odds may have been against you. Both cakes should be celebrated because you put the work into them!

My Unbaked Cakes  

Just last week I had an unbaked cake I almost did not finish! Well, it was muffins technically. I used baking powder instead of baking soda in the recipe and noticed right before I poured the batter into my reusable liners! If this happened even a few months ago I probably would have thrown out the entire batter. But I took a different approach. I had a mini freak out, took a deep breath, and went to the one with all of the answers: Google. I found the ratio for substituting baking powder for baking soda and added it to mixing bowl. Can you guess what happened when my muffins were done baking? Well, they did not taste good. Yes, I was disappointed about the gummy muffins I made. BUT I was more proud of myself for pushing through and trying to make it work!

Please comment below and tell me what you think of the unbaked cake theory! Can you relate to the theory and leaving cakes unbaked in your life? If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

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Brightside Bear  

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Learning something new is part of life! We are continually growing and adjusting to the world around us. While learning is wonderful, it is not an entirely easy process. If you do not know what you should learn next, I made this worksheet with 25 ideas for you– plus an article on the benefits of learning if you need a little more convincing. Keep reading to learn how we learn and six tips to help you through the process!

RELATED: Five Reasons to Start Learning Something New Today

Learning Style 

Everyone is unique, and everyone’s learning style is unique. Did you know there are seven different learning styles? Before looking into this, I thought there were just three– physical, auditory and visual. But there are seven! I made an infographic to show you the different learning styles or you could read about them here!

Knowing your learning style is great because you can adjust the way you are learning to better fit you. There is no single best way to learn, you can have a mix of different learning styles, and your learning style can change. I guess this shows how true it was that everything is temporary, even our learning styles.  Take this free quiz here that gives your results in a lovely graph showing how much of each learning type you are! After finding your learning style, you can use the tips I outlined below to get the best learning experience!

Tips on Learning

1 | Measure your progress

It can be easy to feel like we are not making progress when in fact we are!  We must compare our progress to ourselves, not to what someone else can do. This can be hard when we see others lives’ on social media and find ourselves in comparison with them- but we are only in competition with ourselves! Use your habit tracker to measure how often you are practicing and take notes with what is working and what is not. You can use your journal to write down how your progress is going and how you feel about the process too!

2 | Reward Yourself

Be proud that you are learning something new! It is all too easy to stay in our comfort zones so the fact that you are working towards something and growing is amazing! You can use this habit tracker to mark off after you have spent a certain amount of time on what you are learning. Maybe you reward yourself after you practice for two weeks straight or if you practice a certain number of days a month. Make sure you choose your reward and standards early and state them clearly!

RELATED: Your Little Victories and Big Reasons to Celebrate!

3 | Stay motivated

Learning something new can be a frustrating process. That is why staying motivated is key (check out my article on five tips for motivation here)! An amazing motivation tool I use is my vision board! Whatever you are learning, you can put a representation of it up on your vision board! I also have a section on my vision board for past accomplishments as a reminder of what I am capable of! If you want help, I created a vision board printable to help get you started!

4 | Utilize Help

When you are learning something new, you do not need to learn on your own, unless you prefer to. There are so many ways we can learn in this day and age! There are a lot of workshops, online classes, and even free YouTube classes to help teach you something new! Maybe you can find a whole group of beginners learning what you are. There is no shame in starting from the beginning- because, really, where else are you supposed to start? Use your support system and remember that you are never alone!

5 | Learning is Not Linear and Takes Time

Remember that we should not be afraid of failure, but how we recover from failure. Learning is a process with ups and downs. But no matter where you are in the learning process, you are still learning- which you should be proud of! When you are struggling it is also showing how hard you are working to learn- and a sign that you will be up soon! Results will not come right away, but as long as you are putting in the time and effort to practice and learn you are on the right track! I made this chart below to show how you progress over time when learning.

6 | Have Fun

Have fun with the learning process – choose to learn a song on the piano you love to sing or make a craft that makes you laugh! When I took a ceramics class we had to build a teapot for our project. I was struggling a lot in the class but there was no size requirement. So I built a teapot that can fit in my hand. Instead of stressing over not being able to use the ceramic wheel, I embraced my level of ceramics and love my handheld teapot (that would spill any liquid if used and whose lid does not fit). It is exciting to learn something new and it should be another positive part of your life!

Learning For Life

I am planning to never stop learning- maybe I will be able to learn all 25 on this list! Life is full of wondrous adventure out there and one way to create some adventure is learning something new! Now that you know your learning style and these tips you are well on your way to a life full of learning!

Do you know what learning styles you have?  Please comment below and tell me what you think of my tips on learning something new and any of yours to add! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!

Written with love for you,

Brightside Bear  

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