Social events are typically not as picture perfect as you see on your beautifully filtered social media feeds or the feel-good holiday movies. They are often a stressful time for many people. When I found myself having more anxiety than enjoyment at some gatherings I knew I would have to change my approach. I have outlined my five tips on surviving social gatherings below- whether it is for a work function, family reunion, or just a birthday party! I hope they help you at your next gathering, and all of the gatherings to follow!
1 | Ask Yourself: Is there something specific I can do to make this event easier on myself?
Sometimes there is a clear answer to this questions, while other times we have to get creative. The important part is asking the question early and being able to reflect. Try out journaling to help with your reflection! If a big cause of uneasiness is not being able to eat the food there, you can come up with a plan. I am the only family member that is vegan and have approached my food obstacles in two different ways. One option is to bring an entire dish to share and give others an opportunity to eat what you are. Another option is to bring an extra large portion of food that is just for you and heat it up when others are getting their food. There are pros and cons to both, but all that matters is what makes you most comfortable. If there are topics you are worried about discussing, come up with some responses when the subject comes up- something to let people know nicely you do not want to talk about that. This could be a simple answer or a transition to a new topic. If there is a specific person you are wishing to avoid, decide on some “exit plans” to quickly get out of the conversation. Keep reading for more ways to make the gathering easier on yourself.
2 | Find a Supporter
Is there someone at the gathering you can use as your oasis from the crowd? Maybe a family member who is good at calming you down? Can you bring a loved one to help you stay positive? Having just one person you can turn to in moments of high stress can go a long way! I have often used the children in the family as my oasis from the adults. Being able to play a game with the kids, act silly, and not be so serious or cautious of scrutiny is very helpful! If you need help asking for that extra support, check out my article on Taking Off the “I’m Fine” Mask! It is a wonderful idea to use a codeword with your support for the event too- maybe something to let them know you want to leave or need help.
3 | Bring A Calming Escape
While I often find an oasis in the kids of the family, you can bring your own oasis. Find something to bring with you to the gathering to help release some of your discomforts. Some ideas would be a coloring book, crossword puzzle, reading book, journal, sudoku or a craft. You can even bring a game for you and your supporter to enjoy. Keeping yourself busy should help lessen the nerves brought on by the family gathering. Maybe you can bring your gratitude journal to write and reflect in, your self-care kit, or read an encouraging book! You can always go into a separate room to really dive into your escape. It is okay to have some alone time and escape the gathering for a bit- do not feel pressured to keep interacting with everyone the entire time. You have a right to time alone. One year, I noticed an open house down the street from the family gathering. I became very stressed and my supporter suggested we go to the open house for a little break. The open house allowed me to calm down and return to the gathering with more peace of mind. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish.
4 | Be Realistic, and Understanding, of Differences
Know before the gathering that it is okay if the group together, especially if it is your family, does not all get along. The world as a whole and families are filled with people who have different opinions, mannerism, and ways of life as a whole. We are not obligated to be the same as others, even our family, and it is okay to hold your own beliefs. But, there is a respectful way of having differences. You do not need to convince anyone of your own opinions and you do not need to criticize others. If you know there is something, in particular, you don’t want to talk about; go back to tip 1 and have ready to go response. You can enlist your supporter to help you with conversations as well- possibly using an excuse to check on them to leave the conversation or a codeword used for help. This article from Business Insider describes navigating potentially awkward conversations at family gatherings.
5 | Be Mindful of Your Own Well-Being
Your mental health is always a priority and should not be sacrificed for a gathering. You do not need to be at the gathering from start to finish- it is okay to only stay for a few hours. Coming up with reasons you cannot stay late, or arrive early, ahead of the family gathering could help as well. I have used traffic, school or work projects, and other events to help me state why I can’t stay. Take care of yourself and do everything you can to make the event as enjoyable for yourself as possible. Remember the event is only temporary and you will be back in your comfort zone soon!
Be proud of yourself for attending the gathering and making the most of it! Take time to take care of yourself afterward as well. I hope my tips help you have more enjoyment than anxiety at your next family gathering. Please comment below and tell me what you think of my tips and if you have any tips to add! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most for of the positive world of Brightside Bear!
Written with love just for you,
Brightside Bear
