“Do not hesitate to ask for a thing if you need help!”
“Whatever you need, you know where to find me!”
“I am only a phone call away!”
How many times have we said these to a loved one going through a tough time? While we are offering our help in full sincerity, more often than not our offers for help go unused.
But why?
I remember when my family was having a hard time and it seemed like everyone was offering their help to me… but almost no one was actually helping. The offers for help even felt like a burden to me. I felt burdened because I had no idea what could possibly help me in such a time of darkness. I did not know how to help someone, help me.
How do we go from offering to help to actually helping?
1 | Validation and Checking in
Recognize the hard time your loved one is going through and validate their feelings. Let them know it is okay to not be okay and this feeling is temporary. Ask your loved one if they want to talk about what is going on. Be sure they know the offer is not a one-time thing. Checking in regularly just to let them know you care goes a long way. A little message that takes seconds to type could make their entire day better or even sending snail mail they can keep on the refrigerator!
2 | Suggest ways you can help.
It is hard to ask for help. Instead of asking the open-ended question of, “How can I help?”, suggest a few ways to help. Think of what tasks you would be willing and able to do that could help your loved one. Something that might be simple for you could take a huge weight off of their shoulders. Some ideas could be: cooking or picking up dinner, grocery shopping, laundry, or offering to help pick up their child from school for the week! Remember how much the cleanliness of our space impacts our mental health? Maybe you can help in this way!
3 | Plan a good time!
Plan fun time together to give your loved one a break from their hard time. Think of what your loved one would really enjoy and some self-care you could even enjoy together. It could be a whole day at the park or just a dinner at your apartment with their favorite breakfast or dessert served. Whatever it is, be sure to plan every detail so your loved one can just enjoy the break. A surprise plan might not always work here. You could say, “Hey! Let me know when you have a free three hours/night because I have something special for us!” That way you know your loved one does not have a prior engagement- plus it gives them something to be excited for!
What if my tries for help still get turned down?
You might offer your help being as honest and enthusiastic as possible, yet still have your offers for help turned down. That is perfectly okay. Everyone handles hard times differently and at a different pace. What is important is that you are doing all you can to help your loved one when they need you the most. Your offers for help are never a waste.
Why is it important to be proactive about helping?
Being proactive about helping is the best way to be helpful! If we wait until a loved one asks for help, we may never get the chance to help them. Sometimes, when we are struggling the most it is also the hardest time to ask for help. By just helping and not waiting to be asked, we are showing just how important it is to us that we are there for our loved ones.
What are some ways others have gone above and beyond to help you in a time of need? Please comment below and tell me what you think of my article on helping loved ones! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!
You are so interesting! I do not believe I have read anything like this before. So good to discover somebody with a few unique thoughts on this topic. Really.. many thanks for starting this up. This website is one thing that’s needed on the internet, someone with some originality!