Why We Think Revenge Works
Revenge is something we are all too familiar with! It is when we harm someone as a way of payback for being harmed by them. Revenge has been used as a way of justice since the dawn of time. The rule was simply, “An eye for an eye!” While this type of thinking might be appropriate when handling thieves in the 16th century, this is not how we should handle our personal acts of vengeance now. Revenge starts off as an automatic response to those who have hurt us. But our automatic response is not always right. Keep reading for reasons you should not seek revenge!
Reasons Why Revenge Doesn’t Work
1 | Revenge is Selfish
Revenge is done because it is something we feel entitled to do. We were hurt, embarrassed, and wronged so now we deserve this vengeance. With revenge, we are acting out of our self-esteem and the need to be right! Our ego feels threatened because we have been mistreated and is trying so desperately to repair our self-esteem. Ego thinks revenge is the answer. BUT, our ego is wrong! What we need for our self-esteem is not to be selfish but to be the bigger person! To realize that someone hurting us does not lessen our worth and that we still are our amazing selves.
“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” ― Marcus Aurelius Share on X
2 | Not the Best Version of Yourself
Revenge does not represent the best version of ourselves. When we are seeking revenge, we are wanting something bad to happen to someone else. In fact, we are creating this hurt in their lives and expecting a positive result for ourselves. Our best selves are not wishing or intentionally causing harm- even to those who have wronged us. We are fueling this person who we do not want to be. Instead of practicing revenge, we could practice being the understanding and patient person we know we are.
3 | Energy and Time
To be blunt, revenge is a waste of time and energy! You could be using this time you spend fantasizing and planning out your revenge on something so much more useful! In fact, virtually anything would be a better use of your time and energy! It is okay to be hurt and upset, but we do not need to put our energy into these negative feelings and make them bigger. Put your time and energy into something positive! You can try to learn something new! Practice some self-care to help heal, clean up your space, start a gratitude journal, show your loved ones that you care. The time spent being negative to those who wrong you could have been time spent appreciating those who love us.
4 | Escalating Game
“Well, THEY started it!” Revenge is not only a dirty game but an escalating one. Just like this: someone hits you, you hit back harder. Next, they hit you with both fists. It will escalate until someone either cannot fight back anymore or when someone decides to not fight back. Just as mentioned above, we feel entitled to our retaliation and feel like it is justified. When you feed the beast of revenge, it just grows stronger. We have the power to stop feeding the beast, preventing more damage to be done.
5 | Hurts the Relationship and Others
If someone wrongs you, the relationship can still be repaired. When revenge is sought, it becomes more difficult. As mentioned above, it is an escalating game with the potential to do a lot of damage. Even if we cannot imagine the person in your life right now, maybe we will later. It might be weeks or years, but maybe we will want to rekindle the relationship. Not only does our revenge hurt the relationship (or potential rekindling of), but it also hurts our other relationships. Other people will see us wishing this harm to others and spreading this negativity. Revenge obviously causes harm. I mean, that is the main goal.
6 | Does not Solve Anything
Revenge does not solve a single thing. Your revenge will not rewrite history or fix the damage that has been caused. Revenge will not even change the hurt you feel into bliss. We assume the revenge will make us feel better, but it always seems to do the opposite. Maybe it is the guilt we feel of letting our ego get the best of us. Maybe it is the realization that you intentionally caused pain to someone. Whatever the reason is, revenge makes us feel worse. There is zero gain from it!
New Perspective
Revenge is something that could always be an option for you, but will never be the right choice. We need to keep in mind that everything is temporary – even our feelings of hurt and anger. When we have this option to practice revenge, the choice is actually between healing and suffering. It is times like this when reflection is key! Search for blessings in disguise -What can you learn from this situation? How can I practice my empathy and not allow my self-esteem to dictate my actions? Revenge just hurts everyone involved, even the one practicing it.
What are your thoughts on revenge? Have you practiced in revenge yourself? Have you chosen to forego the revenge route? Please comment to tell me your tips and thoughts on my article! If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please show you care and share the bear! Be sure to sign up for my emails and follow on social media to get the most of the positive world of Brightside Bear!
